I’m honored to share this guest article by Alain Torres. Alain is an international bestselling author who guides world-renowned entrepreneurs and visionary leaders who seek to connect and grow into their deepest spiritual truth as they find themselves on their journey of life.
This article is part of a series of articles from colleagues, coaches and friends who specialize in the topic of masculine and feminine energy and relationships. We will be joining together for an exclusive Facebook live event “The Raw Truth About Relationships: The Dance Between Masculine and Feminine” on Friday, October 20 at 8 p.m. central. Comment below or message me on Facebook to receive your invite!
The four of us all come from different backgrounds and areas of expertise, and the evening is sure to be as entertaining as it is educational! We’re offering this blog series as a way to get to know each of us and as a sneak peek into what each of will be sharing during the live event.
Who Wears the Pants? Role reversal in type A relationships…
By Alain Torres
I see it over and over again in these power dynamics.
The modern relationship shatters all traditional relationship norms – a massive shift is taking place in first world countries…
I could go into a million reasons why and this would only be a distraction from the fact that these changes are here to stay.
I’d like to share what actually matters and what you can do about it…
Before I do, if this is your situation you know what I mean when I say it’s like playing a game of Operation – hit the edges and the buzzer rocks you to your very core.
You see, when you unconsciously approach the edge of your programming, the physiological alarms of fight or flight or freeze sound off.
The typical reaction is to blame outwardly and take responsibility out of your hands.
The evolved response is to take ownership and ask the question what you did or didn’t do that contributed to the cause and effect in the first place.
When you’re in relationship with someone close, whether personal, business, and/or an intimate relationship, you have no choice but to see yourself (and your stuff).
It’s not often you run away (immediately) from those you care about most.
In this way, love is an incredible teacher – inspiring and inviting you to be unconditional when wronged, being more understanding when you get that others are no different than you, and forgiving because you see the best in them…
I have a very strong belief that we’re all inherently good and have beautiful hearts.
All we’re ever doing is enacting the roles and family dynamics we have within so we can become aware and heal these patterns that we’ve carried from our lineage.
Not to alarm you or anything, but if you don’t heal these patterns and complete them in the right way, you’re kids will carry the burden until one of them has the courage to address all the buttons, triggers, and wounds, ending the cycles.
This true healing is possible for you now. Maybe you want it, maybe you’re not ready for it…
The word-renowned leaders I coach all agree it’s most important to leave our children knowing they had the BEST role models possible…
And… I believe life, is masters level work – to grow, heal, and become our best selves thus contributing to our souls full evolution.
What happens when you become more successful than your partner and it upsets the balance in your dynamic?
One client, who’s in the public eye, comes immediately to mind…
She came to me saying her significant other was holding her back from success…
Now, to be clear, she had already been experiencing success on a grand scale with a MASSIVE following, yet had slowed her trajectory because of the fear of upsetting the balance in her dynamic.
He’s no slouch, is extremely successful in his own right – top of his game, making 6 figures a month, feeling empty…
He was left stuck in the “less than” mentality – like he was letting the family down because she had leap frogged his success.
He was stuck in the idea that he was no longer the breadwinner and she was stuck in the idea that she shouldn’t be more successful than him (and knew she was destined for BIG things!)…
She was living her life’s work and he was not aligned with his truth – this was the deeper reality present and the place where the real work began… what really mattered 😉
And the golden opportunity he didn’t see was the space she had indirectly opened up for him to find his true purpose, his true calling…
As their new way of being unfolds they continue to support each other’s full potential – a true power couple.
Because they both hit their edges in programming – they felt like a fish out of water.
All the roles preset in their minds, growing up in semi-stable traditional family dynamics – left them in an uncomfortable, uncharted territory.
This created the “issues” in their relationship as well as their individual business dynamics – you see there wasn’t really any problems only an attachment to the old way of showing up in the world.
I left you a clue above for him but what about her??
Her work has centered on healing those parts of herself so she can be the best version of herself – both inwardly and of course, outwardly.
Off she went, like a rocket – “beyond the sky is the limit” is what she told me…
So if this is you, or your relaionship dynamic, what can you do?
The first step is be honest with the stories your mind is telling you and the behaviors you’re playing out all day…
What does it get so caught up on as you’re moving onwards and upwards towards the visions you wish to create?
To further clarify, where does your mind overthink and give away so much of your energy and power? What are those thoughts, feelings, and emotions?
And the second, the missing link that most people rarely realize when they’re on the path of becoming the best version of themselves, is to heal BOTH the good and the bad.
For the longest time I only healed all the negative things within me, the things I deemed as wrong and not the most enlightened version of myself…
This is only one side of the coin… the other is healing all the positive… the good.
You see, we live in duality – there’s both good and bad.
Yin and yang.
Positive and negative.
In order for you to integrate and become one with all of yourself, you have to heal both sides.
If you don’t heal the “good” then you’ll always be attached to the good and will then by default have a definition of what’s “bad…” – this keeps you stuck in old ways of thinking and old behaviors.
Healing both sides of the coin is the most profound thing you will ever do… not just for yourself and your family, but for the world that you’re meant to leave an impact on in the greatest way possible.
Remember our thoughts become our reality, whether we like it or not, that’s the truth.
It’s totally cool if you want to stay where you’re at, but if you’re ready to move in the direction you’re hearts pulling your toward, then take the first step.
Face it… you got this!
Let me know you thoughts below, I know this will stir up a thing or two…
Sharing the power,
Alain is an international bestselling author who guides world-renowned entrepreneurs and visionary leaders who seek to connect and grow into their deepest spiritual truth as they find themselves on their journey of life.
Over the last 12 years, Alain has notably prevented a client from losing a nearlybilliondollar company, helped an individual
from the Department of Defense to find his soulmate, and has empowered his high profile clientele to make sense of the deeper soul journey that’s taking place through their personal development in the areas of dating, relationships, health and wellness, and business.
With his inner exploration of 4,500+ documented hours of meditation and over 100 ayahuasca ceremonies seeking enlightenment and healing in the last 5 years, Alain found what he was looking for and brings forth his one of a kind wisdom into his exclusive and invitation only coaching practice.
He walks these truth seekers through his proven process with a playful style so they can declutter their minds for success, increase their energy, focus, and efficiency, and reprogram their subconscious to let go of the inner conflict so they can live in alignment with their highest self and manifest the life they desire. Alain is the founder of Power Couples Project, and has been seen on Huffington Post, FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS, Inc., and Entrepreneur Magazine.